I keep a journal in my podium in the front of the classroom. Anytime something funny is said during class, I have a student record it in our “class quote book.”  Here are the highlights from the 2013-2014 school year:

Me: “Does anyone know where Glenwood Ave is?”
Student: “Is that up by that creepy meat shack? The one that’s small, white and no one has any idea what kind of meat they sell there?

Student: “I don’t normally watch TV, but when I do, it’s either ESPN 2 or the Lynx game

After asking the class how many students have ever ridden a horse…
Me: “Holy cow, that’s a lot of people who have ridden a horse!”
Student: “Well, Mr. Moore, there are a lot of horses in the world.

Student: “Guarantee is the biggest word in my vocabulary”
Me: “Do you know how to spell guarantee?”
Student: “ G-U-R-A-N-T-E

Me: “My Thanksgiving strategy is to stuff my face with mashed potatoes and go into a coma while watching the Cowboys game.”
Student: “Your family must be so proud.

Me: “Do you get corn salsa on your Chipotle burrito?”
Student: “No, if I get that, it flies right through me.

Me: “Did you see the musical this weekend?”
Student: “What’s a musical?

Me: “This is a picture of a collar that they used to put on slaves so they couldn’t run away.”
Student: “My mom used to put a dog collar like that on me.

Student: “Want to see my toe?” Said while the class was silently taking a quiz

Student 1: “I heard Mrs. P is pregnant.”
Student 2: “Yeah, she’s got a bun in the oven.”
Student 3: “Bun in the oven is such a weird phrase. It makes me hungry for buns, and then I have to stop and think, wait, that means I’m hungry for babies.

Student :”You’re sarcasm is so advanced that even I can’t understand it.”
Me: “That’s the highest compliment I’ve ever received.

Me: “Has anyone here seen a Western movie before?”
Student: “Yes, Back to the Future Part III

Student 1: “Why did Germany invade Belgium?”
Student 2: “For the Chocolate

Me: “Don’t make fun of that Teddy Roosevelt picture. Have any of you ever managed to ride a moose before?
Student: “I used to ride moose, but now people ride me.”